I recently met an old acquaintance at a concert in my hometown. We discussed music and different bands and came across The Unseen – one of the best bands I have ever seen live.
What he said after that struck me: I really wanted to like that music. I really did. But I just couldn’t. What I realized is that very often we only want to want something. But deep down we don’t. We want something else, very often even the complete opposite of what we want to want.
It is as if we have no control over what we want. And we most likely don’t. Besides our basic needs (food and shelter) and social expectations (be it our family or peers) there is something else. This something else is hidden deep down in our subconsciousness. Sometimes quiet, sometimes loud voice commanding us to do things that are very often irrational or unexpected.
In my experience, the actual feeling of wanting is something that cannot be mistaken for anything else. It is not a whim, there is no hesitation about whether it is the right thing to do – it is a clear call to action. Wanting to want something usually feels like pushing too hard, actually wanting something is rather a pulling force.
Even though there is very often a lot of fear involved, I somehow know that there is no other option than going in this direction. And when I resist and don’t follow this calling, I know something is wrong.
Der Mensch kann tun was er will; er kann aber nicht wollen was er will.
(Man can do what he wills but he cannot will what he wills.)
– Arthur Schopenhauer
The question is – where does this will come from? Arthur Schopenhauer said that there is the will to live deep down in all living beings. And this will propels us to act in the world.
Some see this will as rather supernatural, as coming from above. Kabbalists say that at the core of our beings there is the will to receive from the source – i.e. from the creator.
Taoist tradition calls this force Tao. It says that the Tao is like a river – it flows and encounters different obstacles but always reaches the sea. We can build dams or canals, but they can only channel the force and slightly adjust their direction. We can also try to swim against its current, which is a futile effort. But we cannot make it disappear.
But whatever we call it: this higher (or deeper) force, this subconscious will, and the superficial wants imposed by our surroundings or our ego can be distinguished only intuitively.1 This requires authenticity and honesty to oneself. Because this is not about our ego or our „passion“. It is about our purpose. And our purpose might very likely be something we don’t want to want.
The solution to this might be to seek transcendence: becoming aware that everyone has a place in the greater scheme of things. This gives meaning to the seemingly meaningless existence of a seemingly meaningless individual. It means to let go (but not to give up).
Accepting that there are things bigger than us and that we are only characters in a huge cosmic screenplay can be quite liberating. We can call the screenwriter God, Creator, Fate, Universe, Evolution, or Nature (like Bernardo Kastrup does). To reconcile with this idea means to reconcile with the limits of our individual existence through connecting to the existence as a whole. Is this the enlightenment everyone talks about? I don’t know.
Radši se rozhlídni. Jsou věci vetší, než jsme my.
(You better look around. There are things bigger than us.)
– Prago Union
- When it comes to the subconscious driving forces, one can not omit Sigmund Freud. But in his view, this force is of a purely physical, animalistic nature. What is discussed here is a force in a metaphysical sense. ↩︎